Just A Man (Chapter 11)

[Rickyrocks]

Hi

This section is for your questions and thoughts about CHAPTER 11 of the JAM online feature.

Each chapter will be divided into its own chapter so as to make it easier to post & talk about each chapter seperately.

thank You
Rickyrocks

[sharon]

I will probably reply later but all I am feeling right now is shock and disbelief! You would think any normal person would want to embrace the family of the person they loved not hurt, lie, and threaten them. I don't care if you hate his family's guts. Any normal person would tolerate them and be polite. She was beyond sick! Threatening to hurt herself and Tiger? No wonder poor Michael stuck around through all of this. This is so incredibly sad. That is all I have to say right now. i have to sleep on this and really absorb everthing I just read.

Sharon

[Tina Hutchence]

She was very ill - we just didn't know it and the people who did know about it did not help her - they made money out of her bizarre behaviour. The doctor who admitted her into the Priory refused to admit for a long time that it was for a drug habit.
When you think of it, in the end she did hurt herself and Tiger. It is a miracle that Tiger survived.
Tina

[sharon]

Tina,

I just can't stop thinking about this. My brother dated a swedish musician for about three months. Of course she moved in with him within weeks. She seemed great when we first met her and me, being a musician and music major, thought it was cool that my brother was dating someone with something in common with me. Well, he got sick and was in a coma for two months and almost died and let me tell you her true colors came out. She was trying to boss my parents around and critizied their decisions about his medical care. She bitched out the nurses. who were wonderful, and so on. IT was horrible. In the meantime, my parents were supporting her. She finally told my mother that she (the girlfriend) loved her son more than my mother did. Well, my Italian mother almost hopitalized her. I finally had it and it did actually come to a physical fight. I think of her now an still freak out. To make a long story short my brother came out of the coma and she was a total monster to him. I think because he was so physically weak she just over powered him.. I don't know but I did not hold back. I told him I thought she was a royal b__ch and well as completely rude and disrepectful of my parents. He finally came to see it after a few months. He was so weak one day he called my mother to come over and get her to leave. It was really bad. My question is why do you think Michael didn't see this. What were his excuses for Paula's bizzare behavior. For instance, when you mother was there to see Tiger and she was locked in he bedroom all day with Tiger. What was Michael's excuse to your mother? Did he think this was okay or did he think it was strange? It seems obvious that he was unhappy with many aspects of his life and that he just went along for the ride but was not really interested in being with Paula or INXS. Everyone was pulling on him. He felt the band needed him and he wanted to be with his daughter so he just put up with Paula knowing deep down he had no intention of marrying her. Her relationship with Geldof was bizzare too. First they go through this horrible divorce that is so destructive and then they are so close that she wants Bob to take care of her daughter with Michael and keep her away from his family? Her games were so destructive. She sounded so insane that it makes me wonder if she would not have harmed Michael herself if he did not harm himself. You're right. Tiger is lucky to have survived that.

Sharon

[Girl on Fire (Rosann)]

I agree with you Sharon. I think the point that comes across very clear is that Michael was "just a man." It wasn't his celebrity that put him in that situation or could get him out.

When you start dating someone that has personal issues, it is your coping skills and the support of friends and family that gets you through it.

My brother had the same thing happen to him except it was his wife of 14 years who went crazy. They have 2 kids in the middle of the chaos.

Be thankful your brother got out soon. When children get involved, the situation only escalates. The burden becomes much deeper.

I now understand how Michael was feeling and how bad things happen to good people. We can't change what is done but, we can learn and help others in the future.

Love,

Rosann

[missalissa]

I can understand to an extent what Michael was going through and probably why he didn't try to stop Paula or question her.
My dad was a lovely man and very strong and my mother was 100% like Paula. She has never been diagnosed with being borderline personality, but she fit the mold.
She used me against my father repeatedly, they were married for 26 years before he passed. But he loved me terribly and couldn't imagine not ever having me in his life and he feared she would harm me or take me far away. She used me as a pawn in her control game. So he tolerated it as much as he could and when family started questioning him he withdrew from them. When I was old enough to figure things out I often questioned him about his decision and he just said I loved you, and I wasn't going to have that taken away from me.
It is really hard to understand why things were they were. His younger sister and I talk a lot and she has told me some wild stories that I have never known. She kept me from his family and I don't even really know my grandmother that well, it has taken his death and me understanding things to be able to have a close relationship with his younger sister.
I know longer speak with my mother as it seems her disorder has gotten worse and she no longer knows what is right and what is wrong.

Sorry to go off like this, but reading this chapter provoked a lot of memories growing up and I felt so bad for Michael, I wanted to say, Don't you see, it will be OK, you will see Tiger if you leave. I felt horrible for Tina and Patricia, Paula was punishing them for loving Michael. I think she thought she is the only one that Michael should love.

I also think that she was really jealous of Tina and Patricia. I think that she was afraid they had already had her figured out. And that if Michael was around them they would start pointing out the things that concerned them.
I think that her withholding Tiger was the only way should could "get even. and hurt them the most"

[sharon]

Missalissa,

I am so sorry to hear about how hard it was when you were growing up. I can't imagine going through what you have been through. In a perfect world it would have been so great if Michael had you to talk to. I think you completely hit the nail on the head. Paula was jealous of Tina and Patricia. She wanted all of Michael's love completely and there was no room for anyone else. I wonder if she would have grown to resent Tiger in time also. Why did he have to hook up with her? I was just watching my loverboy John Taylor and I thought how great Michael would look also and how much more he had to do. It is so sad and after all of these years still obviously hard for all of us to accept.

Sharon

[missalissa]

Sharon
Thank you, it was a challenge growing up for sure. A lot of confusion. I will have to say that my mom in time started to resent me and became insanly jealous of my realationship with my father and jealous of me in general and I really got the brunt end of it. She became abusive towards me. Since my father died my mother has told me that she can't stand to be around me at times because I remind her of him and it makes her mad.
My parents are young my dad died at 46 7 years ago, at the time my mother was 37. She is just now turning 47 and I have often thought it was her age that led her to act this way and then I started reading about borderline personality and then I read JAM and got to these last chapters with Paula and it was like a flood of emotions and grief came out.

I ofter wish he hadn't met her, out of all the women in the world.

On a lighter note! I LOVE JOHN TAYLOR!!!! I think he has gotten better looking as the years pass!!!

[sharon]

Yes! John Taylor is a hot for sure!!!

Sharon

[mishelle22]

tinahutchence said:

She was very ill - we just didn't know it and the people who did know about it did not help her - they made money out of her bizarre behaviour. The doctor who admitted her into the Priory refused to admit for a long time that it was for a drug habit.
When you think of it, in the end she did hurt herself and Tiger. It is a miracle that Tiger survived.
Tina

The night of Paula's overdoes:
Thank God Tiger wasn't hurt, so vulnerable to it all
Michael would have flipped out, if he was there, that might have been the straw that broke the camels back.
But with Tiger not being hurt, he was there!!!!!!!

[charlesex]

sometimes i have to re-read this chapter, because it is so unbelieveable to me, what paula did. i know she had a problem, but holy... did she have to act this way? the way she talked to patricia was just horrible.

sorry to get off topic, but jt is cute, isn't he? if you wanna learn more about him, the dd.com message board is great! ;D

btw, if anybody has a vhs or dvd copy of michael's funeral i could buy, i would greatly appreciate it. i missed it in '97, and can't download it (due to broken speakers on my computer.)

if anybody can help, please send me a pm or email me. thanx. [e-mail]

[missingmichael]

From my own experiences with a person with this type of personality, I think they just have a way of winning over the trust of the person they are most deceiving. They have the uncanny ability to come across as being so truthful, when in fact almost everything that comes out of their mouth is false. I also truly believe that with this type of personality, they eventually get to the point where they really don't even know themselves what is true and what is not. "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive", isn't that how the saying goes? With this type of person, I think they get to the point where they have fabricated so much that they cannot separate reality from fiction.

[pp]

It strikes me as a little odd this chapter does not mention the fact that Michael, Paula. Tiger Lily and th eother girls spent time of Magnetic island in North Queensland from just after Christmas to the first week in January. They had a wonderful time there mixing in with the locals who went out of their way to ensure there was privacy. Micahel even had an interview with the local paper The Townsville Bulletin.

[Cathy]

I too have seen photos of Michael and Paula on the girls enjoying "family" vacations. They were mentioned in JAM, so I don't see why the vacation in Queensland needs special mention. Michael felt comfortable in Australia, he always said he could go out and do what he liked there.

I think the point of this chapter is to show how Paula's situation and mental state eventually just wore Michael down.

[Anna]

I know you all probably jump on me but I can´t help speaking my mind. I do hope I don´t hurt Tina´s feelings.

You are all blaming Paula here and I think it is not fair at all. She had problems but so did Michael. And yes, Paula hurt herself and Tiger Lily when she died but what about Mike´s death? He hurt deeply Paula and his daughter too. He left them both all alone. The only difference is that Tiger Lily wasn´t there when Mike died and she was a lil baby. I love Michael, I always will, I´m just trying to say that the main thing is they were not good for each other. That´s my opinion about it and sorry again if I´ve hurt someone with my post.